Don’t be flattered. Listen to your gut.

A time ago, I was quite clearly being pursued by a Nice Catholic Man. He made a point of getting to know me, put himself in my path, etc, etc. I relatively enjoyed conversation with NCM, he seemed smart, presentable, not bad looking, but there was something about him that I didn’t quite like – but just couldn’t put my finger on. After a suitable number of interactions and chatter in social situations, I had definitely decided I was not interested. I couldn’t put away this little tick inside me that told me it wouldn’t be a good match, and that even a date would be a bad idea. So one day I very casually made it clear that I wasn’t interested. He didn’t turn up again for sometime after that. I felt slightly bad, but I am a direct, cut-to-the-chase type of person, and I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that there was something about him that I wouldn’t be compatible with.

Down the road, NCM appeared, and my (some may call “hasty”) decision against him was confirmed. Eye contact was avoided, and he quite literally turned his back on me. I was slightly surprised by this, but I also interiorly smirked and knew that this behaviour was exactly what I had known about him months ago, without actually knowing it. Not one to be easily insulted, his actions clarified my decision from months before. Not that I had ever second guessed this, but you sometimes wonder if perhaps you are “too picky” or “quick to judge” another individual, which could potentially cause you to miss something Our Lord puts right in front of you. But seeing this emotion based behaviour and deliberate rudeness to another individual (that happened to be me) seemingly based on the fact that I wasn’t interested in dating him, summed up pretty quickly what it was in him that struck me as not being compatible with myself.

There is no rule book that says any member of the opposite sex whom you take a fancy to must comply. I do think you should give most men (or women, for you guys) a chance, because you might end up getting on very well, or at least form a solid friendship if you’re not romantically inclined. But if you get a feeling in your gut about someone, don’t ignore it. Because the truth is, we are given our “gut” for a reason. That very clear feeling you get inside your core when it comes to a member of the opposite sex (not referring to being twitterpated) is a feeling you should not ignore. Sometimes, as in this example, we don’t need literal red flags in conversation or behaviour to know there are red flags. Sometimes it’s chemistry, or sometimes it’s just a feeling you have around someone, but it could be a red flag, and don’t ignore it. As women we often feel like we should always always always accept or be flattered when someone shows interest. But if something about him, or something inside of you, is trying to tell you different, then listen to it. I like to think this is my guardian angel whispering into my ear to back away, don’t get involved.

We do have to be open to others, open to doing God’s will. But we should also follow our natural instincts, because God won’t make us act completely contrary to that, in order to follow His will.


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